Mommin’ ain’t easy… parenting ain’t easy. The doctor doesn’t hand your child off to you accompanied with ahandbook on the day they are born. Parenting is truly an experience. It’s a constant trial and error experiment, andsomehow it always seems as if once you feel like you’ve got a grasp on things the dynamic changes and your working through a new phase, a new challenge, or a new chapter whether its an exciting one or not so exciting. At any rate, parenting sure has a way of taking your breath away in all ways possible. It is one of the most rewarding experiences yet has its moments of truly bringing you to your knees.
Insert Parenting the Love and Logic way.
Love and Logic parenting tools allow you to foster independence in your child through empathy and setting limits for children of all ages. One of the biggest questions I get from parents interested in Love and Logic is, “is it too late for me to start?” or “Are we too far gone for this to work?” and the answer is NO. It is NEVER too late. Starting later may mean that there will be habits to break and it may take some time, and it may even get worse before it gets better, BUT it is never too late.
Regardless of when you start with parenting the love and logic way you will see a difference in the way in which you look at the things that your children do to make you red in the face. For me, that was the first thing I noticed. I started to look at the misbehaviors as opportunities to model empathy, set and enforce limits, teach responsibility, and build a lasting relationship based on trust and unconditional love.
Love and Logic parenting is based on the foundation of relationships.
It is important to note that none of this works without relationships. I think that is what I love so much out Love and Logic. Before, I felt that I was either always either being a nag, or the “bad guy,” or a total pushover. I was struggling with the concept of encouraging my children to grow yet discipline them. Love and Logic techniques allow you to discipline your children without losing love along the way. THIS IS SO POWERFUL! And quite frankly, exactly what I needed!
On the other hand, your children may feel confused or even frustrated with your new approach to parenting. They may be confused as to your reactions or also frustrated by the fact that you will not fall into the trap of arguing with them. This all will pass and eventually they will learn your new tactics.
Here are a few steps to get you started on your path to parenting the Love and Logic way:Go Brain Dead!
Yes, you heard that right! You might be thinking, “What in the world is this all about? How can I make an impact by going brain dead?” When you go brain dead, you aren’t thinking of words to say back to your child. When you don’t use words, you ridof the opportunity for your children to argue with you.
As hard as it is, do NOT engage with your child when they are trying to argue with you. You can do this by saying your version of a Love and Logic one-liner. My go to is: “ohhhhhh, this is so sad.” I like to drag that “ohhhhhhhh” out and use a low voice. This works two-fold. It allows me a moment to stay calm and it also signals to my child that you are empathetic to their situation but that a consequence is also to follow.
One of the most challenging parts to master when transitioning to parenting the love and logic way is showing empathy. When you are frustrated or even angry with your child, IT IS SO HARD to be empathic when using your one-liner. It is VERY easy to let your empathy be masked by sarcasm. So, be forewarned, this WILL take some practice. Remember, parenting is all about experimentation… you will honestly go through the experiences of good and bad and some days may go smoother than others. Don’t get discouraged. You are not alone.
Kristen Baisden and I will be co-facilitating a series in April in Roseville, California. It is a five-week course on Monday evenings. We would love to see you there. If this does not work you, you can also visit Love and Logic Institute and look up your local Love and Logic Facilitator and class dates.
The Love and Logic approach is practical and fun. I’d love to hear how these first steps work for you. Send me a message or contact me via Instagram and let me know!